And The Winning Relationship Goes To….Common Sense

Question: What is needed to have a successful relationship?

Today, I’m touching on a topic that everyone is familiar about but, very rarely, does anyone know how to manage. I can’t count how many times I hear people complaining about the relationships they’re in, why they can’t find a good one or just questions in general about relationships. I’m here to clarify something that has faded in our society when it comes to relationships. I call this…common sense. If I were to ask any one of you right now what it takes to have a successful relationship, I will hear the same thing that I’ve heard a million times: trust, communication, love, etc. If you guys are giving me these answers, why aren’t you putting them into practice? I do want to touch on these common sense issues, but I want to venture deeper and see where the core of the relationship is. These basics are just the outer layer.

Ok, so, let’s go over these common sense issues one by one. First, there’s trust. Everyone knows that as hard as this may be, it’s a necessity. The problem with some of us is that we’ve cheated in the past and our insecurity follows us from relationship to relationship and we think that our partner is going to do the same thing we did. We need to get over it, suck it up and TRUST! If you don’t trust your partner, you’re just going to be killing yourself mentally and destroying the relationship while you’re at it. If you see a reason to not trust your partner, talk about it. This leads me to my next common sense issue: communication.

Most of us let our pride get the best of us and that prevents us from being an asset in a relationship. We have to learn to talk about things with our partner. It can be about an argument you guys had, about something on your mind or about anything, really. Just let them know that you are a person with opinions and that you want to be heard (I’m not saying to yell at them).

Another one that I’ve heard is love. I can write a whole other post just on love. There’s so much to it, that I can’t possibly fit it all in one paragraph. I understand, and agree, that love is needed in a relationship, BUT, and that’s a big BUT (no pun intended), it’s is something that you must nurture. Love at first sight doesn’t exist; Lust at first sight does. I learned this the hard way, because I was one to fall for someone relatively quickly. I learned along the way that I was loving someone I didn’t know; I was in love with a stranger. Just let it happen, because love happens all by itself.

Now that I’m done with the basics, let me get into what I think the core parts of a relationship are. First, I have to say that listening is one core strength to a relationship. We can all talk, yell or whatever at our partner, but if they’re not listening, what good are we doing? We have to know that it’s not always opening our mouths that will solve the problem but, also, opening our ears. We underestimate how useful our ears really are in a relationship. There’s not too much to say on this one. Basically, just listen to your partner and suck up your pride. You don’t HAVE to have the last word.

This one is one that everyone knows about but seems to go unnoticed. I’m talking about compromise. Going into a relationship, you have to understand that no relationship is perfect and if no relationship is perfect, yours is not an exception. Another thing you have to understand is that this relationship is not 50/50; It’s 100/100. Both of you must put your everything into it to make it work. What I mean by this is that the relationship is NOT all about you and you being happy. It’s about both of you being happy and making it work together. Now, after you understand that you’re going into an imperfect relationship and that you have to put 100% effort into it, then, and only then, can you work on compromise. You have to make sure to even out the pros and cons when compromising too. I’m not saying to compromise and let your partner “win”. I’m saying, you both should be content with whatever medium you both come to. If compromise isn’t a core factor in your relationship, whether it’s you or your partner that doesn’t compromise, expect it to spiral down and crash.

Ok, I was saving the best one for last. This one has gotten me into a little trouble in the past but has benefited me way more than it has done me harm. I’m talking about being transparent with your partner. I’m not saying to die and have a relationship in the afterlife. I’m saying, you have to be COMPLETELY open with your partner. Now, there’s a very small exception to this. I, and I know a lot of people feel the same, know that it’s not smart to open yourself 100% as soon as you get into a relationship. I’m not telling you to not be honest. You just need to know how much info you should tell him/her IN THE BEGINNING. You may have insecurities, shameful experiences and feel strongly about some things that you don’t want to share, but if you expect for you both to truly know each other and to have a healthy relationship, both people need to know the secrets that others don’t. Besides, it feels better to let out certain things to someone you trust and love. At a certain point in your relationship, you both should know each other in and out 100%.

In closing, I’m sure there are other core parts to a relationship, but I thought these are a few of the most important ones. I have been in many relationships and took something from each and every one of them. I’m not talking out of my butt on this one; I’m talking from experience. I’ve made mistakes and seen the mistakes of my partners. I have made many drastic changes in my life, thanks to what I’ve learned and now I pass them onto you. We have to be observant, analytical and learn, because you’re not always going to have someone there to give you advice on what you should do; Well, someone that knows what they’re talking about, anyways.

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