Relationship · 2 MIN READ

Should you stay with someone that has cheated on you? Part 2

Should you stay with someone who cheated on you? Now I definitely know that we all will have an opinion on this one…so like I always say feel free to share your comments below and don’t forget to invite a friend to read. So this question “should you stay with someone who cheated” I hear […]

By TheAuthor

Sep 22, 2009 · Updated Nov 6, 2012

Should you stay with someone who cheated on you?

Now I definitely know that we all will have an opinion on this one…so like I always say feel free to share your comments below and don’t forget to invite a friend to read. So this question “should you stay with someone who cheated” I hear all the time and what better place to talk about then here, on The Things We Talk About.

Should you stay with someone that has already proven themselves to be unfaithful to you?

Before I even share my opinion, let’s take the time to look at the situation. Imagine you have been with you partner for quite sometime. You have invested your time and not to mention your money into this relationship and then you find yourself in a situation where your partner has stepped out on you with someone else. What would you do? Should you stay in this relationship? Would you find it in your hear to forgive the person?

Is there really a right answer to this question?

Now for my opinion, before I open the floor for discussion. YES, you should, (I know your thinking I’ve lost my mind, and somehow I think I may have). I think it’s imperative that you do find it in your heart to forgive your partner for their wrongdoing. This is the Christian thing to do.

Not too long ago, me and a few friends were discussing the Agape love that God has for us and it’s the same type of love we should have for each other. So if this is the case then isn’t the person deserving of a second chance, just like God always gives to us time and time again. I know that this may seem impossible but it does make you wonder how deep is our love. Now I know I will be crucified for saying this, but maybe giving a cheating lover another chance may very well be the thing that proves the immense amount of love that you have for your fellow fallen being.

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What do you think?

LaShun says:

October 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm

I have been in this relationship for the past 8 years and my husband cheated on me and a child was born out of that relationship. I have two children by my husband. It is easy to forgive but how can I stay in this relationship while he is refusing to admit for the past 2 years and the baby is now 2. How can I stay in this relationship while the baby mom is trying to kill me?

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1. TheAdmin says:
  
  October 30, 2012 at 4:51 am
  
  Wow, this a different situation, if he cheated and you forgave him that should be all but the baby momma trying to kill you is a different story. Is He still with the baby momma??
  
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mackiii says:

July 13, 2012 at 3:26 pm

nah… for me.. i can forgave someone.. coz i know im just a human created by God.. if God can forgive someone.. why not me.. right.. as long as i can love the person and with my hearts content.. if this is what u call agape love.. then be it.. i know that its really hard to believe what im saying right now. but the thing is.. its really happening right now.. if you really love a person, you wouldn’t ask for, or in exchange of something that u gave. but there is only one thing that i could not forgive if ever this would happen,coz i would really break up with her. by saying can you please stop going to church!.. seriously.. that is the point of no return!

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Why Me says:

December 20, 2011 at 12:20 am

I think it depends completely on what happened. Like in my situation, it was before we loved eachother and the girl was not his type at all. He just did because he didn’t want to lose a friend and he was being a good wing man. And I know now that he wouldn’t do it again because he loves me too much now. He hasn’t had any trouble since we officially ‘fell inlove’ and it has changed everything. you just have to know if it will happen again, or if your love is strong enough to make you realize that it’ll be all fine. I know how he feels like for a fact and I know that it’ll be ok from now on.

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SOUL4REAL says:

October 18, 2011 at 9:14 pm

“Candycane,if he’s telling you to make the decision that’s best for you”. “That remark is saying it all,he doesn’t care either way”. “Damn I hate to hear that,what you do is focus on your baby and school and let him ride off into the sunset”. “I’ll be praying that “GOD” will give you the strenght to move on with your life”. “Don’t become the victim become the victor”!! “Put that love into your baby that you have for him”! “Be strong and pray”! “GOD” bless you and the baby”!!

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candycane says:

October 18, 2011 at 8:35 pm

I have been in this relationship for 5 years adn is 9 months pregnant i found out that my boyfriend have cheated on me. i know i have done somethings in our relationship and he have forgiven me but i have never cheated on him. i am going through so much now and questioning if i should for give him. but i have not made a decision yet i trying to focus on the baby and my school work but i do not know what to do. he knows he done wrong an told me that i need to make the decision that is right for me.

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1. TheAdmin says:
  
  October 18, 2011 at 8:45 pm
  
  Is he fighting to save the relationship? I know you have to make the right decision but does he want to be with you? Forgiveness is needed for all even if you decide not to stay with him you still have to forgive him. It depends of how much dedication is the relationship from both parties. People can say forget him and move on, and others may say forgive and stay but you have to do what’s right for you and your baby. People make mistakes, they learn, repent and they change so forgiveness is needed .
  
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SOUL4REAL says:

October 11, 2010 at 4:35 pm

One more thing I’ve forgot to mention,once you lose that trust,there is no relationship it’s down hill,the relationship is doomed! In the bible,Jesus said”I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife,except for marital unfaithfulness,and marries another woman commits adultery”(MATTHEW 19).I guess this apply to men too,once you have cheated it’s a done deal,do people realize that once you have been sexually with another woman,you become as ONE,your spirits become as ONE!This is why GOD told ADAM and EVE after they disobeyed GOD,they will become one flesh! So when a man or woman think about cheating,think about what your doing to yourself!

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SOUL4REAL says:

October 11, 2010 at 3:08 pm

I know we are not perfect,if a person really love you he or she is not going to cheat on you,let’s be real!If you forgive and let him back into your life,that’s giving him the ok to do it again.You forgive him and let him go on about his business,human being have to be taught a lesson in order for them to learn.Humans learn by expriences,his next relationship,he want do any cheating.I’ve been there and it still hurts today but I had to let him go,we have two beautiful children and I guess I’ll always love him! God is making me stronger each day and by his grace,I’m still here! Love doesn’t hurt!

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sparkle says:

March 20, 2010 at 11:43 am

I think it i ok sometimes to forgive but this is where m stuck at. I for gve him let him go and after a yer he came back. he told me that e waunted to come back home . so we been working things out. i have not said that we go together yeat. cause i can still see tht the person he cheatted on me with is still round. he started to chnge when he first came back. but i could still see tat he stared to treat me like he use to . he dont pay any bills but nd he keep saying i dont do a thing for him . he also keep saying i dont care about. he dont help me with his baby or the bils and he is always broke . i knoe he is still paying for her to get a phone. and he think i dont know and he had pic of her in it. and i also know he keep going out of town to see her. what should i do . he also put a lock on his phone and i did not. and keeps bring up my pass about the person i ws with after him.

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Julie says:

October 16, 2009 at 5:41 pm

im actually in a situation like this .. its either 4get about him or give him another chance . for those who think they shud give another chance just think to yurself alilbit .. if he really loves yu y did he cheat .. wud he do it agen .. can yu trust him .. if yu do give him a chance dnt give yurself to much to him .. let him see he did messed up nd that is aint the same anymore .. it can get better but thats wen yu realize he does mean that he loves yu nd that he wont cheat no more … to those who wanna 4get … go ahead .. there are alot of fishes in the sea but what if this fish really means he wont cheat on yu anymore nd he is devoded .. yu will never find out … of coarse dis is only if the man has cheated on yu once .. if this is the second time lol i think ya kno wat ya shud do .. leave the nigga

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Gasou says:

October 4, 2009 at 12:26 am

Elisapoo, I guess you do not understand what I am saying. Anyways it’s opinions. As a woman I can say that sometimes we do push our man to cheat. If you take your man for granted, don’t pay attention to him, don’t treat him as you should you don’t think it’s possible for him to cheat once he find them girls who be pretending they can treat a man right?

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elisapoo says:

September 29, 2009 at 11:59 pm

I have a question for you Gasline, should you have to compensate who you are to validate why a man should cheat on you. I honestly don’t believe that there should be a good enough reason and if a man doesn’t like me for who I am and thinks he can find it else where then maybe that isn’t a relationship I need to be in. Now I know people can cheat for a lot of reasons and it should have to do more with what’s wrong with them, then what’s wrong with me. If they cheat on me, because of me then they can definitely kick rocks and keep it moving.

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Gasou says:

September 29, 2009 at 2:10 pm

I have read everyone’s oppinion, and I agree with the majority. My oppinion: if you cheat you admit it,you know and you tell me that you did wrong we are fine. Now I’m going to find out why you cheated. What the girl you cheated with has that I don’t have, and solve the problem. Problem solved, that was the first and last time, I forgive you. We move on, build our love and make it stronger. But if you do it another time now we have problem, that’s not me, something is wrong with you. Still if you appologize(it depends on how); I will forgive you AGAIN and take you back. If you are using my forgiveness and cheat a third time don’t even tell me anything just clear it. I have been patient with you due to our love, and you use it against the love I have for you.

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Cristy says:

September 25, 2009 at 12:22 am

I understand what you guys just said about God and all that, but it is not what it really is in reality. As for the question I have been asked, “what is forgiveness”? Forgiveness is “the act of pardoning somebody for a mistake or wrongdoing”, but it does not mean that after forgiving that person things should be the way they were before. DrG1 said that it would not make any sense if after you forgive someone things cannot go back the way they were before, I think it should not be that way. I think it easier to forgive when it comes to friendship than relationship. I can forgive my friends over and over and over….. but I don’t think I will be able to do the same for my boyfriend. Because, there are some stuff that you share with that special someone that should be very confidential. What sense would it make if it cannot be that way? Specially boys or men…. They have the tendency of saying that they do not have anything to lose and it is okay to mess around, most of the time when the girl is not around. They always say :”I have nothing to lose”. What they do not realize is that they are killing themselves literally. Anyways, the whole point is that I can forgive someone without taking him into my life and I am positive that God won’t punish me for He is against adultery.

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elisapoo says:

September 24, 2009 at 5:23 pm

i can see where each of ya’ll are coming from….but how many times do we cheat on God and he takes us back time and time again. Now i can see where people would be like well it isn’t the same thing and the reality is it really is. We have to find it in our hearts to really forgive. Sometimes I think people stay in their destructive path because people shy away from them and they continously think that it’s ok. But if they found someone that is gonna stick with them and find it in their hearts to forgive them then that can ultimately or possibly change their life. Who is to say?

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DrG1 says:

September 24, 2009 at 4:14 pm

That’s the thing we dont’ know if this will ever happen again. As mentioned before I am not saying that we should or shouldn’t stay with the person, that will be a personal call. Some of us are much stronger than others when it comes to this subject. We don’t know that our other half will his/her words once we grant them a second chance. We don’t have any control over what others do or don’t do, all we have control over is what we do. Thus, if you forgive and give a second chance, let’s just also give he benefit of the doubt, nothing is certain.

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kesy says:

September 24, 2009 at 4:08 pm

Love is all about trust.. so what happen when someone cheats on you? They lose it. I understand that God forgave us for things that we’ve done to Him which is way worst however God doesnt want us to be unhappy and hurt. Cheating is a violation of the commendments that could be preventing from happening. I know that no one is perfect and that we don’t really follow all of the commendments but some of them are preventable and cheating is one of them. Besides (correct me if I’m wrong, but) the bible says that in case of cheating we could move on to someone else (if married) thus you could forgive but don’t have to stay in that relationship. However, the realtionship could still start over depending on how strong the relationship was at first.. and the feelings given away to that one person.. It’ll just be a matter of time and strength to do so. One question though.. when you forgive someone , you basically telling them that you’re giving them another chance to get your trust back BUT how can you know that person is goign to keep their words this time?

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DrG1 says:

September 24, 2009 at 3:48 pm

Please understand in no shape or form do I approve cheating from either side but please let’s be real. Things happen and I understand that some people are willing to forgive up to 3 times and others are not willing to forgive at all. My question is for Cristy what is forgiveness, if you forgive me and things can’t go back to the way they once were is that forgiveness? You probably will not have a grudge against me but just because I don’t hold anything against someone does that mean I forgive him/her? If you say you forgive me and then you can’t stay with me then you never forgave me. GOD forgives without any holding back. We sin, again and again, I am assuming that he doesn’t forget that we have sinned but once we are forgiven we have a clean slate to start over again on. Again I am not saying if you are not happy you can’t do whatever it is that you want to do but all I am saying forgiveness what is that about? I know God doesn’t want any of his children to be unhappy, if you are in a relationship and you can’t take it anymore and you have tried all that you can hey, that’s a personal call but, just remember if God treats us the same way we treat others what would happen to us.

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Cristy says:

September 24, 2009 at 1:48 pm

Are you guys for real? I think it is unethical for the person who has been betrayed to forget about everything and just stay in that relationship. When I say “forget”, I mean just to continue to be with the same person like anything never happened. I understand that everybody makes mistakes and we all should be able to forgive but ooohhh. There are mistakes and MISTAKES. I will forgive you but that does not mean that I will take you back into my life. However, there are some stuff that I can let go but not everything though. For example, what was mentinned in the first part of this topic can be forgiven. Because, it was not intended. Other than that, I doubt I will be bale to do it.

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elisapoo says:

September 24, 2009 at 12:02 pm

I agree it is a tough call when you have someone that you love and they betray that trust, and then to further that you have to find it in your heart to forgive, just like God would forgive us. Now if this person continously betrays that trust, I would find it in my heart to forgive them but I don’t know if I would be willing to stay with them. I really don’t think God would be angry with us or hold us accountable for not wanting to be in that sort of relationship.

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Lisnide says:

September 24, 2009 at 11:28 am

I know we have to forgive others like God always forgive us. But we are human and some partner never stop cheating on their partners. I can forgive the person if you do it twice but i won’t forgive you if you do it over and over again. That’s my opinion. If your partner cheats on you several times, should you stay with that person or should you forfive him? I need an answer please.

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Should you stay with someone who cheated on you?

What do you think?

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