Dear The Things We Talk About, I have read many of your blog posts and I have decided to share my story with you.

The past love

I have been dating this guy for two years now; he’s real good to me. He has all that I’ve ever wanted in a man. To be honest, being in a relationship was the last thing I wanted when I met him. After talking for a few months he wanted to take it to the next level, so we did.  The beginning of our relationship wasn’t that great because I was still healing from my previous one.  I was with my ex for four years, we talked about getting married, and having kids, loving each other for life little did I know, he was cheating on me from the beginning.  After our four year anniversary I found out the girlfriend he had before me was six months pregnant for him. So I ended the relationship and closed that chapter in my relationship.

The new Love

Let’s get back to the love of my life well at least I think that’s what he is. In the beginning of our relationship, really enjoyed hanging out with him, he would take me out every weekend, and we would go to all the fancy places.  The sky was the limit for the things he would have done for me. The sad thing was that I couldn’t open my heart to him. So, I would treat him unfairly. I didn’t respect him at all, he couldn’t tell me anything. I would only do what I wanted to do. I wasn’t trying to treat him bad on purpose, it just kept happening. Sometimes I would say the meanest thing to him and felt bad about it later. Through all this he stayed with me.

The reality check

I got a reality check on April of last year when he finally came to his senses, and told me we were through. Boy that was the worst day of my life. He told me I was killing his manhood, and as much as he loved me the best thing to do was to go our separate ways. I thought he was joking because this was the second time he ended our relationship. Two weeks went by and he didn’t call me. I called him a few times but no answer. I didn’t know what to do, so I went by his house. When I got there I saw his car so I went up to his apartment knocked on the door, guess what, he never answered the door. I went back home and I cried like a baby that day. But I never stopped trying.

The day I begged for a second chance / opened up to him

Finally, one day I sent him a text message, I think he replied hours later. I asked him if we could talk, and he told me to come over after work. That day I poured my heart and tears out to him to give us a second chance. Yes ladies I begged him to take me back. And I had him promise me that he would never leave me no matter what. From that day I opened my heart to him. I decided to take another chance with love. I asked GOD to help me change some of my ways. This man shows me how it feels to love someone and how it feels to be loved. I found myself doing things that I said I would not do. For example, I called his father every now and then. I use to say that I would never deal with a guy’s parent. I don’t even call my own father like that, (Sad, HUH!!!).  Sometime I look back over our lives and wished that I had done some things differently.   He still treats me the same. I can’t wait for the day I get to change my last name to Mrs. Smith (his last name).

Final thought

Many times we allow our past relationships to dictate what we do in our current relationship. So the message for all of you out there reading this is treat each relationship as if it were your first. Much love the things we talk about!

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I was thinking to myself one day and the big question came up “what is the key to a good relationship”? I’m pretty sure that question has been here since the beginning of relationships and will remain even when relationship are coming to an end. After doing some real thinking to myself and also getting others opinions, I’ve came up with the answer that will definitely explain itself.

For one, every relationship is different so there will never be the same solutions for the same problems in two different relationships. I know that probably doesn’t make sense right now but it will. Two people can be in the same situation, such as a cheating partner, but will react differently. One partner might decide that the relationship will not continue because they will never be able to trust their partners anymore, the other partner might decide that their love is strong enough to overcome this slight dent in their road to happiness. Now, both partners were being cheated on but because their relationships are different they were able reach two completely different conclusions.

Next, because relationships are so different every couple must find the methods that work best for them. I had a talk with one of my big brothers and I asked him how he managed to make his relationship going for so long when I know he’s crazy (lol). When he answered me, he enlightened me on I guess you can say a more mature way of thinking. He told me since the beginning of his relationship his partner and him had certain expectations set and if one day passes and they are not met then there goes the relationship. At first I didn’t understand but when I thought about it I understood it completely.

All relationships should have agreements set in place and once one partner breaks one of those agreements then they really don’t care enough to be in the relationship. So there goes my opinion about the infamous question. Since the beginning of the relationship expectations should be set and they should be kept in the minds of both partners at all times or else the interest in the relationship will begin to decrease there will no longer be a point for that relationship.

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How to get your ex back? Caution: make certain that you have this is something that you have truly thought about and truly want before proceeding to read this post!

Ok, if your reading this either you really want you ex back or your just curious, either way, you’ve been warned.

So, quick question for you that’s reading. Why do you want him back? If your answer is,”I love him and I can’t see myself without him” then that’s a good enough answer for me.

So now what do I do to get him back before he’s gone for good? Every relationship is different and this really depends on what terms your relationship ended in order to devise the optimum plan on how to win your ex back. But what I can do is share some general ideas on different ways to approach this situation.

If your ex is willing to have a conversation with you, then ask them if you guys can get together to talk! If he agrees, then pick a nice, quiet place where just the two of you won’t be interrupted to talk. Personally I think that this should be done face to face but really it’s up to you. Make sure that when you meet up with your ex you already know what it is you want to say, because this isn’t the time to fumble or drop the ball. Honesty, really is your the best policy. This is a good as time as any to lay your heart on the line. Difficult I know, but you’ve come this far and there is no way to turn back now. So just go for it. Let them know that you can’t be without them and that your life isn’t the same without them.

Now for the hard part….let them tell you how they feel. Be patient if they really don’t know what to tell you or how they feel. Don’t be surprised if they can’t answer you and need time to process and think about all you’ve said and even more so be prepared in case they don’t feel the same way you do. Relationships are hard, but sometimes we have to learn to take chances and in the process get our hearts broken. If they choose to not want to pursue the relationship then just think of it as their lost and that it wasn’t meant to be anyways.

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Communication in a relationship is a key element in making it last. I know what your thinking, tell me something I don’t know. Well keep reading and I will hopefully shed some new light on how communication can help you have a long lasting relationship. Now before I give any advice, I have been in a relationship with the same guy for 11 years and I wouldn’t be sharing unless I had some idea of what I was talking about. Now that I’ve established that….here are some things that we’ve done that’s helped us lasts this long and can hopefully help you in your relationship.

Every relationship has its ups and downs, that’s a fact some days will be better than others but the question is how do you get over those difficult humps that you may come across in your relationship. Personally it took me quite some time to talk about how I felt, if I was upset or angry I kept it inside but overtime I only found that this made me angrier. I didn’t realize the detriment this was bringing to my relationship until my relationship was almost no more. So obviously I quickly realized that their were some changes that needed to be made in the relationship.

 Talk!  If your angry about something, let your partner know respectfully that your angry. Key word: Respectfully. No need to shout or be rude but let them know that your upset about whatever it is they said to you or did. But be sure that when your ready to talk, you’ve had time to collect your thoughts and know how you want to approach the situation. 

 Give your partner time to express themselves. Let them reciprocate how it is they feel about what your telling them, because maybe they could be upset about something too or have something that they would like to share.

Always establish an open door policy in your relationship. Let your partner know that they can come to you and talk to you about anything, and that you will (not you will try, but you will) have an open mind about!

Always consider each other’s feelings, especially when it comes to making decisions that may affect the both of you or maybe just you. Let them know that you cherish their opinion and that you guys are a team.

Always establish boundaries, meaning you should let each other know off the bat the things that make you happy or things that upsets you or irritates you. You’d be suprised how many couples don’t take the time to talk about this. Ex. If you don’t like people going through your personal things, like your wallet then let your partner know that this is not acceptable, but warning, once you say something like this be prepared to talk about “why” as many women will ask!

Always be aware of each other’s feelings, don’t say things to spite the other or make them angry. Guard your words, because as many men may know women never really forget once you tell them something that’s out of place, it will eventually come back to bite you in the you know where.

These are just a few pointers on how to communicate in  a relationship. If you have any comments, questions, or things that have worked for you in your relationship then feel free to comment below!

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